Archive for the ‘schools’ Category

Since inventing this ludicrous idea for a tournament several months ago, it’s become clear to the Nanny Coach that people are actually genuinely interested in this mythical event – or to put it another way, this site gets googled more by a miscellany of school names than any other search criteria, excepting for “Myleene Klass” (did I spell her name wrong or summat?) and “party 7 beer”.

Myleene - a Klass actWith this in mind, I’ve extended the draw to a full 1024 schools, and plan to actually carry through with the competition, even if it takes 5 years to complete – which it will…

There’s nothing like a bit of healthy competition to get kids achieving their goals. And let’s face it, they’re more likely to get excited about putting one over on Blanchelande Girls’ College via some imaginary web competition than to improve their school’s DCSF “value added” nonsense statistics, or boost their parents’ house prices.

The results for each round will be based on whichever GCSE and A-Level -based statistic I choose at my whim, from the results that get published periodically in the media. Any non-existant schools, primary schools, and so on that have accidentally slipped in to the first round draw will quickly get knocked out.

Good luck all – the Nanny Coach’s decision on any result is final.

Complete draw for Round 1:


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School league tables were introduced several years ago by the government in order that the Department for Education and Schools (DfES) had a reason to exist – and could produce league tables demonstrating which UK schools were the best, so that parents could decide amongst themselves which are the best schools, and all send their kids to those.

A foolproof plan, you’ll doubtless agree.

But take a look at the following list which show the top 10 schools for A Level results, which was published by the BBC

1. King Edward’s School
2. Withington Girls’ School
3. King Edward VI High School for Girls
4. The Lady Eleanor Holles School, Hampton
5. St Swithun’s School
6. Leeds Girls’ High School
7. Bolton School Boys’ Division
8. Wycombe Abbey School
9. Loughborough High School
10. Downe House School

What does that tell you? Nothing. Posh schools turn out swotty kids. Thank you for that insight DfES.

Scientific fact zoneOn the face of it, producing lists which rank schools by their effectiveness at producing kids who can pass lots of exams seems a great idea.

In reality of course, the scheme just leads to increased social divison; creates disproportionate house prices; neglects to teach kids actual skills that might come in handy in later life, instead teaching them merely to pass exams, increases stress and suicide rates among pre-teens; and churns out two polarised classes of young adults – either pale face socially inept swots, or disenfranchised chavvy burger-flippers -cum- baby making machines.

Nobody needs a league table to tell them that a child going “St. Crispin’s Preparetary Middle School” is destined for Tory MP-hood. It’s NOT rocket-science and never has been.

Anyway, it may have escaped your notice but earlier this year the DfES ceased to be. It was instead replace by an entirely different body (consisting of the same staff in the same buildings doing the same job) called the the Department for Children, Schools and Families, or DCSF for short, so that it can’t possibly be confused with the old DfES.

The government has since announced that it intends to put less emphasis on ranking schools in league tables, and has finally today unveiled the future for education in England and Wales.

The GCSE Knockout Cup Tournament

The draw for this took place earlier today at the DCSF headquarters in Great Smith Street, London, with Baroness Morris of Yardley, former Secretary of State for Education and Skills drawing the home schools, and the away schools drawn by Fred Harris, fromer presenter of Play School, Choc-a-Block and Micro Live, on the BBC.

Popular TV presenter Fred Harris
Fred Harris

Draw for Round 1

East Barnet School v Sutton High Sports College
The Compton School v Brixham Community College
Ladybridge High School v Bedford Field Middle School
Manning Comprehensive School v Noel Baker School
Eaton Bank School v Rivington High School
Our Lady’s RC High School v Wintringham School
William Crane School v Allerton Grange School
Cathedral Middle School v Glaisdale School
Farlingaye High School v Rainford High Technology College
Carr Manor High School v St Bede’s Catholic College
Queen Elizabeth’s Girls’ School v William Sharp School
The Brakenhale School v Werneth School
Newton-Le-Willows School v The Avenue Comprehensive School
Margaret Glen-Bott School v Burleigh Community College
Durrington High School v Sandhurst School
Leiston Middle School v Robert Sutton Catholic School
Cowley Language College v Yohden Hall School
Birley High School, Hulme v The Robert Smyth School
Marple Hall School v King Solomon High School, Ilford
Farnborough Sixth Form College v John Smeaton Community High School
Bramhall High School v Easthampstead Park School
Steyning Grammar School v Wansbeck Junior High School
Fairham Community College v Spurley Hey High School
Edensor Technology College v The Bolsover School
Canon Palmer Catholic School v Haywards Heath College
Blurton High School v Longhill Junior High School
West Bank High School v Top Valley School
Beverley High School v Richard Taunton College
Downlands Community School v Thomas Magnus Upper School
Tawd Vale High School v Ibstock Community College
Imberhorne School v Newark Magdalene High School
The Blackpool Sixth Form College v Elliott Durham School
Limehurst High School v Middlecroft School
Hessle High School v Sackville Community College
Westbourne High School v Lambwath Junior High School
Lutterworth High School v Lordswood Boys’ School
The Benjamin Gott High School v Ousedale School
Villa Junior High School v Henry Mellish Comprehensive School
Risedale Community College v Walderslade Joint Sixth Form
Trentham High School v Sandon High School
Kinloss Junior High School v East Bergholt High School
West Leeds Girls’ High School v Ryeish Green School
South Manchester High School v Birches Head High School
South Charnwood High School v Holbrook High School
Driffield School v Bury Church Of England High School
Thirsk School v Shena Simon College
Roundhill Community College v The River Leen School
Thistley Hough High School v Wortley High School
Dorchester Junior High School v St Gabriel’s RC High School
The Ockendon School v Pilgrim Upper School
Hastings High School v John Cleveland College
Woldgate College v Sir Wilfrid Martineau School
Edward Sheerien School v The Bulmershe School
Shipston High School v Sir Bernard Lovell School
Mitchell High School v Ivanhoe College
Wycliffe CofE Middle School v Brandreth Middle School
Maiden Erlegh School v Linmear Middle School
Counthill School v Perry Beeches School
Stratford-Upon-Avon High School v Kirkley Middle School
Highlands Junior High School v Silver Jubilee Middle School
Shrewsbury Sixth Form College v Ralph Thoresby High School
Highbury Grove School v Nodehill Middle School
The Ovenden High School v Alderman Smith School
Pope Pius X Catholic High School v Kingsway Middle School
The Hathershaw Technology College v The Manor School
Ysgol Uwchradd Glan Clwyd v Holloway School
St Richard’s Catholic College v The Calder High School
The Dales Junior High School v Hereward Community College
Luton Sixth Form College v Pindar School
Martin High School v Braim Wood Boys’ High School
The Snaith School v Ryde High School
Francis Askew Junior High School v St Edmund Campion School
Breeze Hill School v Bretton Woods Community School
Highbury Fields School v The Elmhirst School
Ysgol Dinas Bran v Stirchley County Middle School
Pimlico School v Buttershaw High School
Shepshed High School v Bushfield Community College
Kaskenmoor School v Morley High School
George Orwell School v Cudworth Middle School
Ysgol Brynhyfryd v Harborne Hill School
Todmorden High School v George Eliot Community School
Scalby School v St Cuthbert Mayne School
South Chadderton School v Ken Stimpson Community School
The Foulstone School v Somerton Middle School
Royton And Crompton School v The Halifax High School
Fitzalan School v Allertonshire School
Brickhill Middle School v Islington Arts And Media School
Lake Middle School v Grange Middle School

Exams to be sat in the week commencing May 14th 2008.

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